The Many Faces of Zoey

Over the course of my stay at the hospital when I had Zoey, I became a paranoid parent. With Isabel, I was more free and relaxed. I knew that I didn't want to be the mom who freaks out over every little thing. For some reason the time, when my recovery went sour, I became less confident of myself as a parent. I don't know what happened because Zoey was perfectly fine. I think it had to a lot to do with me losing control of my own health.

Zoey is absolutely precious and each day, the more time that I spend with her, the more I love her. It makes me sad to think that this tiny little baby is going to grow up so quickly so every minute that I have holding her is so valuable. I see how quickly Isabel is growing and if Zoey is my last baby, I want to treasure every second.

I think babies do laugh and have happy moments. People say that it's their facial muscles just reacting but somehow I think that when Zoey is done eating, she's content and knows it.

All of a sudden, my baby will turn into big girls like Isabel! It's miraculous to think that within the span of 2 years, that little 5lb 13oz infant will turn into a rambunctious toddler! How I adore my little girls!

Welcome Home

We're finally home after 4 days of craziness at the hospital. I am never going to think that one pregnancy is like another. Just when I think everything is working out fine, it turns out different. I don't know why I always expect everything to go smoothly. Maybe it's just a thing with me. I had no reason to think otherwise though. Anyhow at least all the issues are with me and not with Zoey so that's the important part. I am so glad that Ben is home with me. I think I would go insane if he were at work. Just being so immobile is frustrating. I don't know how many times I've broken down and thought that there's no way I can make it. I hope and hope that things will get better and if I can get better faster, that will make all the difference. I don't mind the nights and no sleep just as long as my health returns. Right now, I feel like I've been hit by a truck. I want to heal fast because not being able to pick up Isabel is so hard.

Zoey is soooo precious. She's so tiny it's nuts. I don't remember when Isabel was so small. Just looking between the two of them amazes me on their growth. Just less than two years ago, Isabel was Zoey's size. Wow, how they grow! Last night Ben took Isabel to do some shopping for her little sister. She picked out two items and gave them to her. It was super cute. I think Isabel is starting to understand who Zoey is.

Round Two

Early Saturday morning, 7:52 am to be exact, Zoey Elizabeth Bayani entered our lives. The c-section experience this time around was a million times better than the first. It wasn't that Isabel's c-section was bad or anything but I was not mentally prepared and was very scared. This time, although I was still scared (still major surgery!) I was mentally there. The team that performed the operation was beyond excellent so I had my full trust in them.

Then came the hard part...

After the c-section was done and I did a little time in the recovery room, I was taken to my room at the Mother and Baby area. At first it seemed like everything was going well. I was taking Morphine every 20 minutes or so to control the pain though an IV injection. Then around noon, my pain started to intensify. I wasn't sure if it was the Morphine not working or if the pain was just growing. I notified the nurse on duty who reassurred me that the Morphine should be working as I was taking it frequently enough. I told her that it wasn't working and I couldn't feel it working at all. The pain was growing into my chest and my shoulders at this point. They decided to hook me up to an automatic Morphine machine (I'm sure that's not the technical term) that would release doses which I could control. I was hoping that would help... Machine set up... waited... NOT WORKING! I was hoping that the machine was broken or something but nope, I had been taking large amounts of Morphine with no results. I'm only 5' tall weighing 117 lbs so all that Morphine should have seriously knocked me out. I was SO frustrated. All the way up to this point, I had been calm and collected, trying to breathe through my pain but when the machine ended up not working, I started to melt down. By the time 6pm rolled around I was absolutely unglued and completely upset. I was in so much pain that I couldn't breathe or speak. It was so frustrating trying to answer questions from nurses and doctors because I couldn't communicate effectively. At the same time, all the drugs running through my system made my hearing sensitive. It sounded like everyone was talking 100 times louder than normal and it was all muffled. My head was going to explode. No one could find out what was wrong. My doctor was baffled and called in other doctors/specialist to help but no one could figure out what was going on. They thought it could be internal bleeding since my surgery was tougher than normal but my bloodwork was fine. By this time I had a fever so they thought it could have been an infection inside the stomach.... In the end my doctor concluded that she would have to perform a 2nd surgery to go in and find out where the problem was. I would have to have an epidural and be completely knocked out. Surgery was the last option that Ben and I had wanted so it scared the hell out of us. As they prepped me for surgery, my doctor made a few more calls and another surgeon told her that I should receive a CT scan before I go under. I already had the epidural placed which is totally painful so I didn't care what happened at this point. After the scan they didn't see anything wrong so surgery take off the plate. Since the epidural was alleviating my pain, they used that to control the pain and for 24 hours I couldn't eat, drink, or move at all. Sunday was a total blur, totally drugged up. By Monday I was still under a lot of narcotics but feeling better and was encouraged to walk. The doctors final conclusion (they're still not sure) was that my intestines had a kink in it and was blocked during the surgery so nothing could get through my system. It just kept ballooning which escalated the pain. I am still not sure what went on but I know it was serious. Ben was really upset throughout the process but remained strong for me. I could tell he was getting angry at everyone for not figuring out what was wrong. Till now, he thinks that there were 3-4 different things going on with me at the same time which made it hard for the doctors to treat me. Ben says that he has never seen me in that state of pain before. All the nurses on the floor were notified of my condition so as I'm in recovery, they've all been extremely sensitive to my needs. My picture of what went on is still really fuzzy so I'm not sure if I caught all the details but all in all, I have a perfectly healthy little girl so I'm grateful for that. OMG to Ben because I really lost it and he was there 100% for me. I have never believed so hard in my marriage vows as I did this weekend! Now I need to just get better and return the care to my wonderful family.

Congratulations to Daddy!

After working so hard the last couple of years, Ben finally graduated from his masters program at Santa Clara University! It has been a tough journey with long hours and a full time job but he managed to successfully pull it off. During that time we had Isabel too so not only was he going to class but also coming home to a newborn. Let us just say how glad we are that he's done!

I have to say that I am in awe of Ben's resiliance and dedication to what he wants to achieve in life. I knew that I was marrying someone who was similar to me but I think in the last several years of us being together, he has definitely shown to be much more driven than I. When he wants something, he will do whatever it takes to get it. It's absolutely wonderful to be married to someone who has goals and aspirations and to know that there are results, not just talk. I'm so happy for Ben that his hard work has paid off and he's found a job he really enjoys. Maybe we are just two people who are very mature in life but I'm so glad we're at this point of our lives. Somtimes it can be tough but when I look back at what we've accomplished, I am so proud to be married to him. I am sure that this is definitely not and end but another beginning for our family.

Izzy and daddy celebrating after daddy's name was called. She was so good during the first hour and a half. Around 8:30-9pm, she started to get antsy since it was way past her bedtime.

Keeping Izzy occupied with cookies!

Izzy and Daddy Time

We signed up Izzy for toddler soccer recently so she could get some exposure to different activities. At the trial class several weeks ago she looked like she really enjoyed it so we thought why not and gave it a shot. So far she's been really liking it and is really good about paying attention and following instructions.

When she first tried the activities I was worried that she wouldn't get it but she did really, really well and I was so proud. I was sitting on the side lines smiling like crazy and I swear, it's the best feeling in the world, to be so proud of your child!

I knew that with the 2nd baby coming, Izzy would need more bonding time with Ben so this was the perfect way for them to spend time together. I would be devoting a lot more time to baby #2 so hopefully Izzy will feel okay knowing that daddy is there to do stuff with her when mommy can't. After I recover, I'm going to sign her up for dance class since she LOVES to boogie.

Playing in the Backyard

For some reason, it's June and it's not hot at all! I'm thinking we're going to have a really late summer this year. After doing some shopping on Sunday, we sat outside and watched Izzy and Ozzie play outside. It wasn't that warm though but it wasn't freezing.

It would have been nice if it were hot then Izzy could have played with water and all her water toys. I guess it's a good thing that I didn't buy too many summer toys yet.

A picture of Ozzie finally! Poor guy has been neglected although he isn't really! We haven't neglected him but he chooses to be a loner. Izzy absolutely ADORES him and wants him all the time. I don't think the feeling is returned though. He just isn't into her at all. If we didn't have Ozzie, Isabel would be incredibly lonely. He keeps her occupied when we're at home all day. She just constantly is looking for him and wanting to play with him. I'm really excited that Izzy is going to get another playmate, someone who will actually want to play with her! Oh Ozzie...

Picnic At the Park

On Sunday our parents group had a huge picnic at a local Los Gatos park. The turnout was amazing. Izzy had so much fun on the slides and swings. Normally she wouldn't go up and down by herself but for some reason she did fine.

Izzy and daddy on the swings. Everytime Ben swings her I freak out because I swear he goes so high up with her. I always think she's going to fall out.

Down the big slide!

With a big smile!